If I Were Running A Company…Favorites

You heard of the story of a guy getting fired for being a Brony (Men who like My Little Pony)? You expect there would be some lawsuit against the company. Well, the guy got a job immediately after being fired, so good for him and a lawsuit won’t likely happen. If he did file a lawsuit, he would lose because, unless your workplace is unionized, employers can fire you for any reason, that includes being a brony.

If that is the case, then I will create a workplace culture that must:

  • Be D.C. sports fans. Baltimore fans don’t count.
  • Think Peter Angelos is the devil.
  • Be open-minded and can make a for and against arguments in each situation.
  • Must never have Yanni in their phone, mp3, computer, watch, glass, playlist, or sing about him…EVER!
  • Be a big fan of Roxette and that ABBA is overrated.
  • Introducing me to a new client, you must introduce me as “This is Sh’Dynasty. That’s spelled SH comma to the top Dynasty. That’s God’s comma.” On Wednesdays, you introduce me as “A Pimp Name Buttascotch.”
  • From 10AM-Noon in September to June, you must turn on ESPN 980 (radio, app, do whatever you can) to listen to the Tony Kornheiser Show. You’re allowed to not listen if Torie Clark or any politics is on (Tony rambles onto a beaten path when talking about politics).
  • Hate ketchup.
  • Believe variety is the spice of life.
  • Make a Primanti Bros. sandwich for me to eat each week. I’ll give you a pass for the month if you can make me The Kryptonite.
  • George Mason started giving hope to small schools.
  • Buy me a seat at the Presidents’ Club Nationals Park.
  • Required to binge-watch Ed, Pushing Daisies, and Newsradio (except season 5 with Jon Lovitz) and give me a one page report (single space,  10 point font) of why these shows were awesome.
  • Wear eyeglasses from the Lisa Loeb Eyewear collection.
  • At 4:57PM, the office will play “I’ll Be Around” by the Spinners to end the day.
  • Finally, make me a drink (one alcoholic, one non-alcoholic beverage that uses Stevia).

My workplace culture would be awesome. Then again, I wouldn’t get the best talent available. Of course, I can properly haze them to welcome to the company with pie and a Gatorade shower 😉

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