The Second Annual Secretariat Facts

Since I love doing this, it’s up for another year.   Secretariat facts is simply a satire of Chuck Norris facts and Adam Archuleta jokes.  Since this is Kentucky Derby time, it’s appropriate to do it.  Here are some I have pulled off for this year.  Again, your jokes are always welcome:

  • Secretariat’s iPod:  Him blowing everyone out in the Belmont Stakes in repeat mode.
  • Once taken a picture with Julia Allison and her “blue steel” pose on him.
  • Secretariat saved the NHL by scoring a hat trick in his first game.
  • Secretariat has given $24.7 million dollars to saving the world.
  • Only two people mastered the steel guitar: Robert Randolph and Secretariat.
  • Secretariat help made the career of Ira Glass.
  • Secretariat has defeated Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal in both of their favorite surfaces: grass and clay in a handicap match.
  • Secretariat guest starred in Grey’s Anatomy and was known as Dr. McStack.
  • Secretariat’s poop has help reduce carbon emissions in the United States by 50%.
  • The universal word for peace and love: Secretariat
  • The real father of Anna Nicole’s baby: Secretariat
  • When down, Secretariat takes Viagra and is back in action in 6 seconds.
  • Secretariat’s guilty pleasure food:  Carrot Cake.
  • Secretariat was the author of the Cat’s Diary and Dog’s Diary.
  • Secretariat has directed and produced 10 horse porn movies.  Currently, it is the top-selling porn film for 10 weeks running.
  • Secretariat has build 5 houses per day.
  • Secretariat coined the phrase “The Roof, The Roof is on Fire!”
  • Secretariat has 1,854 friends on Facebook and counting.
  • In a 10 lap exhibition race, Secretariat defeated Jeff Gordon’s car by 3 car lengths in Daytona.
  • Secretariat likes the color lavender.
  • Secretariat bench presses 750 lbs.
  • Secretariat is a moderate, fair, and balanced, unlike Jack Bauer.
  • Finally, Secretariat honors his state of Virginia Tech, The DC fires, and the Queen coming to his home state.  As an honor, Secretariat raises his hoof in honor of those people and landmarks.

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